"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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