Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Randomize
