If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'm getting married
To pizza
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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