I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
