I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
