Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
