my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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