Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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