Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
