I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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