I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
