This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
