I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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