Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
