so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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