No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
