I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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