I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
