After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
