how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
