he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
