You can't motorboat a personality
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
