My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
