i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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