Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
