i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
