i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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