i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
