She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Walk of Shame today included voting.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Randomize
