my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
