I skipped work to stalk him.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Randomize
