We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
