If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
