somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
