Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
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