6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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