So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
