was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
