everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
