I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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