end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
you will always have a special place in my vag
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
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