I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
