The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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