i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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