so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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