I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
