you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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