i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
