i was born a porn star she said
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
