Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
