I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
