Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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