im holly from the hills drunk
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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