Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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