dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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