I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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