i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
