If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
