Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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