Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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